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    I know just how infuriating it can be to have the opposite gender of your community sell you out for white acceptance. That anger never goes away, no matter how much personal romantic success you have. What I do know is that, as black women, we have to convince ourselves that we are beautiful 10 times before we even leave the house. We are constantly in a pattern of uplifting ourselves, boosting ourselves, complimenting ourselves and it can become exhausting.

    Black women dating black men Black women with darker skin datibg kinky hair combat feelings of inadequacy from society and from within our own communities, womeen to the pervasiveness datjng colourism. Someone who appreciates you and is in awe of your beauty and dting at you as though you are a painting in the Louvre. Of course, you could question fetishization and exotic othering, but it sometimes must be nice to blacck as though you are the original black Mona Lisa. Internalised racism The number of dating sites matching white men with black women seems unnerving to me.

    Datig recognize that people have a preference when it comes to looks, but to only seek a person from one race amidst a history of a structural power division should not be exempt from arguments of internalized racism and self-hate. When preference is coloured with years of viewing black men and women as inferior and not worthy of attraction let alone love, it is difficult to prove that preference is simply preference and not awash with racist undertones. And so, when black women specifically seek out white men, it is similarly difficult to prove that it is solely a preference and not as a result of internalized racism and self-hate.

    If you are told on a daily basis that people who look like you are unattractive and undeserving of love, a natural reaction would be to seek out that which is being denied to you as a form of validation of self-worth. To determine whether a love interest is a result of internalized racism would be near to impossible. How do you separate love from…love? You realistically date those who are around you, and maybe those people happen to be white.

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    Blackk And in being realistic about my partner expectations, I had to acknowledge that my dating pool needed a major revamp. I had exclusively dated Blaxk men up to that point, finding commonality in the fact that we were both Black and both American-born, but my perception of marriage and relationships woemn undoubtedly been shaped by my West African father and my American Baby-Boomer Uncles. I was blackk the Back I was dating to mimic a culture and generation that they had no real relation to. In reality, we have just as much growing and evolving to do as our male counterparts do when it comes to relationships and long-term commitment.

    Ultimately, I learned that I was. One day my therapist forced me to make a list of the things I wanted in a husband. And as we reviewed my list, one thing became clear, and that was that I had no business dating Black American men. Initially, I felt bad. Almost like I was turning my back on them if I agreed with these findings. Surely, I could mold a potential mate into the guy I wanted, right? If I wanted to make it work despite what the evidence stated, I could. The first thing I indicated on my list was that I wanted to marry a man who wanted to be married.

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